Sarah Williams: A Barbara Walters Live Special
by startraveller776
Summary: Jareth has said his peace, now it's Sarah's turn. Sequel to "Jareth: A Barbara Walters Exclusive"


_Disclaimer:_ I own only those crazy voices and nothing else, remember? This crack fic is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.  
><em>Rating:<em> K  
><em>Genre:<em> Humor/Parody (with deep apologies)  
><em>Summary:<em> Jareth has said his peace, now it's Sarah's turn. (Sequel to "Jareth: A Barbara Walters Exclusive")

A/N: Yeah, my insane muse wouldn't let me write anything else until I let Sarah have her say. Dear Lord let her quit after this. I'm not sure I'm up for interviews with Hoggle, Sir Didymus and Ludo!

So yeah. Here we go again. Please remember this is _crackfic_—mild crack, but crack nonetheless.

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><p><strong>Sarah Williams, Labyrinth Champion: A Barbara Walters Special<strong>

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><p><em>The setting is the same opulent hotel room that Barbara Walters interviewed HM Jareth in. Sarah Williams sits opposite the journalist, wearing a simple, but stylish, green dress. Her long, dark hair is off her shoulders in an upswept do. She wears only mascara and lip gloss, her natural beauty is radiant.<em>

_The broadcast, as always, begins with the camera on Barbara._

**Walters:** Good evening, I'm Barbara Walters and tonight we have a very special broadcast for you. Last week, millions of viewers watched my exclusive interview with King Jareth, ruler over the Goblin kingdom. Tonight, we are joined by Sarah Williams, best-selling children's author and the Champion of the Labyrinth who says that there is a darker side to the Fae King that we don't know about. (_turns to Sarah_) Thank you for being with us.

_The camera pans back to fit both women in the frame._

**Sarah:** I'm glad to be here.

**Walters:** Miss Williams—

**Sarah:** Please call me Sarah.

**Walters:** (_smiles_) Sarah, since King Jareth's interview aired, what has life been like for you?

**Sarah:** (_exasperated sigh_) I don't have a life any more. The paparazzi follow me everywhere-I can barely get out of my driveway most days. And I'm getting bags of mail each day, most of it from Jareth's harem telling me how lucky I am that the "great goblin king" even glances my way, let alone stalks me. Some of the letters are just plain mean, and others are explicit descriptions of what they would do to or for Jareth if they were in my shoes.

**Walters:** The king has a harem?

**Sarah:** Well, that's what they call themselves, anyway— (_makes air quotes_) the GK fans. I don't think that Jareth has an actual harem of concubines, but I've never asked—nor do I care to know.

**Walters:** Sarah, let's go back to that night—the night when you first met the Goblin King. How old were you?

**Sarah:** I was fifteen.

**Walters:** What happened?

**Sarah:** A lot of what I wrote in the "Goblin Chronicles" is true. I was your typical self-centered teenager who thought her stepmother was out to get her. My parents had gone out for the evening and my baby brother wouldn't stop crying. In frustration I said The Right Words, never believing for a second that anything would happen. I was just venting.

**Walters:** "The Right Words," as you call them, are they the same as those the heroine in your book says?

**Sarah:** (_shakes head_) No. I wouldn't tell anyone the true right words—not even on my death bead. I will not help Jareth steal more children.

**Walters:** You said the words, and what happened next?

**Sarah:** Well, all hell broke loose, to be frank. Toby disappeared, things started happening, I heard voices and then the window burst open. Suddenly, glitter was everywhere and there was this man in black with eye make-up and crazy hair smirking at me.

**Walters:** Were you frightened?

**Sarah:** I was terrified. I told him that I didn't really want my brother to disappear. I begged him to give me Toby back.

**Walters:** (_hands Sarah a box of tissues_) What did he say?

**Sarah:** He told me to go back to my room, to my toys, and forget about the baby. Then he threw a snake at me. (_dabs eyes_)

**Walters:** (_eyes widened_) He threw a snake at you?

**Sarah:** Yes. A snake. What kind of person steals a baby then throws a snake at the person begging to get the baby back? Definitely not the nice guy he tried to make himself out to be in your interview.

**Walters:** How did you end up in the Labyrinth?

**Sarah:** When I wouldn't give up, he told me if I could get to his castle, which is in the center of the Labyrinth, in thirteen hours I could have Toby back.

**Walters:** What was the Labyrinth like?

**Sarah:** That's the one thing that Jareth was honest about in his interview. The Labyrinth is far worse than I write about in the "Goblin Chronicles." It's ever changing, there are creatures there that will rip you apart, limb from limb, and other things that will lead you straight into an oubliette. And that's without Jareth's interference. He totally cheats.

**Walters:** How did he cheat?

**Sarah:** After I escaped from the oubliette—which is basically a dark hole in the ground with no exits—he showed up and asked me how I liked his Labyrinth. When I didn't cower like he wanted me to, he took three hours off the clock then sent a death machine chasing after me. Later when I finally made it to the goblin city, he had his entire army attack me! (pauses, grows quieter) But that's not the worst of it.

**Walters:** He did something worse than sending an army to attack you?

**Sarah:** (_wipes eyes with tissue, still quiet_) I've never talked about this part before, but since his interview, I've been sick to my stomach. (_deep breath_) He—he drugged me, dressed me up and made me dance with him at some masquerade ball, to try and make me forget Toby.

**Walters:** And you were only fifteen?

**Sarah:** Yes. (_still weepy, but now angry_) In the mortal realm that would be cause to put him away for a very long time, wouldn't it? But no, because he's a Fae, drugging and seducing a fifteen year old girl is considered romantic.

**Walters:** He seduced you?

**Sarah:** Thank goodness I snapped out of it before anything other than dancing could happen. (_shudders_) At the end, when I reached the castle, do you know what he did?

**Walters:** What did he do?

**Sarah:** Aside from hiding Toby in another puzzle—that was terrifying, I thought I'd lose my brother forever—Jareth begged me to love him, and told me that he would be my slave. In my books, I only wrote that he offers the heroine her dreams, because what really happened was so disgustingly inappropriate. Whenever he looked at me, I always felt like I was some kind of delicacy he was about to devour. It was worse when he was dancing with me and singing to me.

**Walters:** He sang to you?

**Sarah:** Yes, while we were dancing, and though I don't remember most of the words, the song was definitely romantic in nature. He also sang to me when I was trying to find Toby in that final puzzle. Again, the type of song you sing to a girl you want to _be_ with, if you know what I mean.

**Walters:** Wow.

**Sarah:** I know. His behavior with me was nearly pedophilic. Makes me wonder what he really does with the kids he takes.

_Suddenly the power goes out. Across the nation, the message: "We are currently experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by" blinks onto television screens._

_In the studio:_

**Sarah:** (_stands_) JARETH! You spoiled, whiny brat stuck in a Fae king's body! Show yourself!

**Jareth:** (_disembodied voice_) As you wish, my precious thing.

_There is a flash of glitter and the Goblin King appears, resplendent in a deep blue, bejeweled waistcoat over a lacy shirt. He is wearing his trademark tight pants, knee-high boots and leather gloves—this time tan instead of black._

_The lights come back on, and the broadcast continues once more. At Barbara's motion, the sound crew scrambles to get a portable microphone on Jareth._

**Walters:** (_into the camera_) We apologize for interruption in our broadcast, but we are back—now joined by the Goblin King, himself.

_Jareth is still standing and steps toward Sarah who has taken her seat again._

**Sarah:** Don't even think about it, buddy.

_Jareth gives a dramatic sigh then flicks his wrist. A chair appears next to Sarah's, and he drapes himself over it, leaning toward Sarah._

**Walters:** (_turns to Jareth_) King Jareth, your presence is a surprise.

**Jareth:** (_flat expression_) Oh is it, love? You expected me to sit idly by as my beloved so thoroughly besmirches my character?

**Sarah:** I've said nothing but the truth.

**Jareth:** (_raise brows, turns to Sarah and smirks_) Is that so?

**Sarah:** (_to Barbara_) See? That's the look I was talking about.

**Jareth:** (_tsks_) My dear, sweet Sarah, you should know that "desire" means many things, and not all of them have to do with wants of the flesh. And here I was led to believe you were a now a wordsmith.

**Sarah:** (_snorts_) So you're saying that when you stared at me, you weren't undressing me with your eyes.

**Jareth:** When you were fifteen? No, I was not. But now… (smirk turns into full-blown leer)

**Sarah:** Stop it!

**Walters:** (interjecting) So, King Jareth, we can assume that you were watching Sarah's interview. Do you want to respond to what she has shared thus far?

_Jareth turns his head toward Barbara, though his eyes linger on Sarah a moment longer._

**Jareth:** There are several inaccuracies in her version of events. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Mortal memory can be quite faulty.

**Sarah:** (_crosses her arms and narrows her eyes at Jareth_) Really, now. What did I get wrong?

**Jareth:** I scarce know where to begin, my love.

**Sarah:** Quit calling me that. I don't belong to you.

**Jareth:** But I belong to you. The love of a Fae cannot be so easily brushed aside, precious thing.

_Sarah groans and covers her face with her hands. Jareth laughs._

**Walters:** King Jareth, getting back to your response, what part of Sarah's account do you believe to be inaccurate?

**Jareth:** You know, I've never really cared what you mortals think of me. Your lives are so brief that to you my existence becomes nothing more than a ghost of a legend.

**Sarah:** Then why bother interrupting my interview if you don't give a rat's—

**Jareth:** (_presses a gloved finger against Sarah's lips_) Shh, precious. Foul language is unbecoming of a lady, especially one who spins tales for children.

**Sarah:** (_furious_) Don't. Ever. Touch. Me. AGAIN!

**Jareth:** (_laughs_) Such spirit!

**Walters:** (_under breath_) I should have never agreed to a live broadcast. (_to Jareth_) Do you mind answering Sarah's question?

**Jareth:** I'll gladly answer any question that my Sarah has.

**Sarah:** Yeah, right.

**Jareth:** Your faith in me is overwhelming.

**Walters:** (_trying to contain her frustration_) Why did you join us if you don't care what others think of you?

**Jareth:** I care very much what my future queen thinks of me. Such gross misconceptions of my behavior cannot be allowed to fester in that beautiful head of hers.

**Sarah:** You could have just waited until _after_ the interview to speak with me.

**Jareth:** Oh, but you invited me, don't you recall?

**Sarah:** (_angry, shocked expression_) You turned off the power!

**Jareth:** (_smirk_) Did I?

**Walters:** _(interrupting_) What misconceptions would you like to clear up, your majesty?

**Jareth:** (_disgusted expression_) The most glaring oversight is Sarah's implication that my motives toward children are so…vile. This idea of harming innocents in such a vulgar manner is from your realm. A Fae would never dream of it.

**Sarah:** What about me, huh? I was still a child and you wanted me to be your wife!

**Jareth:** Wasn't it mere centuries ago in the mortal realm that fifteen was considered adulthood?

**Sarah:** They're called the Dark Ages for a reason, Jareth. We've figured out that a fifteen year old is still very much a child.

**Jareth:** As the Faerie have known for eons. You form conclusions without the facts, precious. Who's being unfair now?

**Sarah:** (_holds up a finger_) Fact: You fell in love with me when I was fifteen years old. (_holds up another finger_) Fact: The first time you asked me to be your wife was when I was _fifteen_. And now you say that even your own people define fifteen as childhood? Explain how you're not a pervy creep!

**Jareth:** (_dramatic sigh_) Oh mortals. You get a little education and you're certain you know everything. You seem to have forgotten, beloved, that love grows in stages. When you were fifteen, you amused me, nothing more, and I gave you certain powers to see what you would do with them. To my delight, you called on me.

**Sarah:** I didn't mean to, and you know it, Jareth.

**Jareth:** You keep saying that, but you forget that I have seen your dreams, Sarah. (_leans closer_) With every fiber of your being, you wanted to be rescued from the ordinary life that was stifling you, and you wanted _me_ to do the rescuing. I did. I can believe that you didn't intend for your brother to become involved, but you lie to yourself when you say you didn't mean to invite me into your life, precious.

**Sarah:** Go away!

**Jareth:** What's done is done, Sarah. You beckoned me here, and here I will remain until this interview is over.

**Sarah:** You are the most frustrating, awful—

**Jareth:** (_turns to Barbara_) What other questions have you for us?

**Walters:** (_blinks_) Other questions? (_composes herself_) Of course. Why don't we address Sarah's second "fact" that you proposed marriage to her when she was fifteen?

**Jareth:** Another misconception. I offered Sarah her dreams, her deepest wishes. Can I be blamed when becoming my queen was _her _secret desire?

**Sarah:** WHAT? That's not true!

**Jareth:** (_smiles at Sarah_) Life will become easier when you stop denying what's in your heart, Sarah.

**Sarah:** I'm not the deluded one, Jareth!

**Jareth:** Think, love, did I ever propose that night? Did the words "will you marry me" or "be my queen" fall from my lips? No, and yet, that's what you remember. It is your own desires that color your recollection of our time together.

**Sarah:** That's… (_sputters, turns red_)

**Walters:** But you did say, in your earlier interview, that had Sarah not conquered the Labyrinth you would have taken her as your queen consort.

**Jareth:** Yes, that is true. But I did not say that I would do so immediately.

**Sarah:** Oh really. You wouldn't have married me right away? I doubt that.

**Jareth:** No, I wouldn't have. You have spirit, my precious thing, and you are so very clever, but you know nothing of life among the Faerie. I would have sent you to live with my sisters to learn, to mature. (_leer_) Then, when you were ready, you would have been mine.

**Sarah:** (_gapes, then snaps her mouth shut_) It's a moot point, anyway. I beat you, and I will never, ever be your queen consort.

**Jareth:** (_raises hand to caress her face but stops short_) I find your stubborn self-denial to be quite endearing. (_to Barbara_) Shall we move on? I'd very much like to address the baseless accusation that I cheat when I have a runner in the Labyrinth.

**Walters:** So, you don't cheat, then?

**Sarah:** Yes, he does.

**Jareth:** (_pointed look to Sarah_) Barbara asked me the question, my dear. If you would kindly keep your comments to yourself until I've answered… (_turns back to Barbara_) As the Keeper of the Labyrinth, it is my duty to prevent a runner from succeeding. Most of the time, the Labyrinth itself is a sufficient deterrent, and I will admit that many who wish away children choose not to run at all. However, when a runner has some success, I am compelled to intervene.

**Walters:** It's part of your job description, so to speak?

**Jareth:** You could say that. The rules for the game are bound by the ancient magic that created the Labyrinth in the first place, and I am bound to the Labyrinth.

**Sarah:** You drugged me, Jareth!

**Jareth:** (_shrug_) Without much success, unfortunately.

**Sarah:** You drugged me and made me dance with you!

**Jareth:** (_smirk_) My dear, sweet Sarah, the peach you ate merely revealed to you your dreams. You saw what you wanted most. While you were dancing the hours away in your sleep, I was playing with little Jareth in my castle.

**Walters:** You mean Toby.

**Jareth:** At the time, he was little Jareth. (_pause_) On the subject of cheating, I should mention I was far more generous to Sarah than I have been to other runners.

**Sarah:** (_makes a derisive sound_) Oh really? Are you going to say that you were generous by taking my brother away? That you reordered time—to my _disadvantage_? That you were frightening so I could cower? That you turned the world upside down to _put me through hell_? You're going to keep defining that as _generous_?

**Jareth:** Sarah, I gave you the fantasy that you desired—every detail.

**Sarah:** Oh, so I _wanted_ all of that?

**Jareth:** Very much so, precious. You wanted to be a part of a magical world. You wanted to be a heroine, but you needed a villain to challenge you. I was all that you wanted and more. But this is not the generosity of which I speak.

**Sarah:** Oh please. What else could you have done?

**Jareth:** Why Sarah, I let you cheat.

**Sarah:** You…what? How did I cheat?

**Jareth:** (_grin_) I allowed your little friends to help you.

**Sarah:** You threatened dip Hoggle in the Bog of Eternal Stench if he didn't lead me back to the beginning. You made him give me the peach!

**Jareth:** Ah, but he didn't lead you back to the beginning, did he? And he was quite reluctant to give you that peach. (_leans even closer to her_) I'm not as wicked as you thought, am I, love?

**Sarah:** (_through gritted teeth_) I despise you.

**Jareth:** Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. My willful, stubborn Sarah. Sometimes hate and love are not so far apart. Do you ever grow weary of this battle?

**Sarah:** You have no power over me, Jareth.

**Jareth:** (_laughs_) If that were true, you never would have given me a second thought after you defeated my Labyrinth.

**Sarah:** (_stands up_) I am not having this conversation with you on national television!

**Jareth:** (_stands as well_) Agreed. We shall find a better venue for this discussion. Your place, perhaps?

_Before Sarah can protest, Jareth grabs her hand, pulls her to him, and they disappear in a shower of glitter. Barbara stares on in stunned silence for a moment._

**Walters:** (_almost to herself_) Well, we now know why he's been called the Great Seducer. (_shakes herself, and remembers she's still on air_)This has been a very interesting evening. I'd like to thank our guests for sharing their time, and you, our viewers, for watching. Have a good night.

_Queue music. Fade to black. Roll credits._

_In the studio:_

**Walters:** (_to her assistant_) Cancel my interview with Puck. If I never see another Fae again it will be too soon.

**~FIN~**

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><p>AN: Yep. Jareth just couldn't stay out of it, could he? Interesting how much more forthcoming he is when Sarah is around. LOL If you made it all the way to the end, please let me know what you thought! I do allow anonymous reviews. (And "Stone Phillips," I hope you're pleased that we addressed the more serious questions this time-but really, I'd love to see _you_ interview Jareth. LOL)


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